


To Bring Down a Rap Tyrant

by buttmaster



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ableism, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-23
Updated: 2014-06-23
Packaged: 2018-02-05 21:39:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1833211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttmaster/pseuds/buttmaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A fill I did mostly as an excuse to write a rap.</p><p>HSWC Bonus Round 3 fill for the prompt:</p><p>That AU where Dave responds to Tavros's sick burns.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Bring Down a Rap Tyrant

AT: bUT IS SO MUCH WORSE THAN THE COCK'S SHIT,   
AT: sO, gIVEN THAT, lET ME BE THE FIRST,   
AT: tO SAY YOU ACT LIKE YOU'RE GOLD FROM PROSPIT,   
AT: wHEN YOU'RE REALLY COLD SHIT FLUSHED FROM DERSE,

Dave Strider rolled his eyes and went to close the chat window when there was suddenly a bright flash filling the room. As his sunglass-clad eyes adjusted to the brief change in light levels, he spotted himself. Just... standing there.

"Uh, hey, sup... me?" Smooth, Dave.

The other Dave, we'll call him Dave 2.0, looked slightly less than totally on the level and keeping his cool. "Don't do it! Don't close that chat window." He lunged toward the laptop.

"Whoa, dude, chill. What the actual fuck. You can't just all up and grab another man's electronics."

"I am not another man. It's just as much my electronics, dude. I'm you, from the future, and you need to not close that window. Don't you know who that is?"

"Uh, some pathetic asshole with a fucked up caps lock key?"

"Well, yes. Yes, but, dude, you need to keep that asshole in check. In the future, he becomes a tyrant. A rap tyrant. Maybe even a rap god. That is pretty much the end boss of this fucked up game, okay? And I have come from the future... also, you're totally buying the future thing? No questions asked?"

"You look like me but with less acne and you haven't slammed a sword hilt into my nose or anything so I doubt this is some fucked up stunt from Bro, so, yeah, time travel, sounds legit. I mean, I'm playing a fucked up real world Sims RPG and slapping blenders on big stupid machines, so, I'm not in any position to be skeptical, right?"

"Okay, cool, well, basically, you need to drop some sick rhymes on this loser to keep him in line. So, I have come to basically give you a list of insecurities to work with..."

\---

TG: so lets get things straight first things first  
TG: youve got me laughin i am fit to burst  
TG: youre like nickelback linkin park and three parts fred durst  
TG: in other words loser youre the fucking worst  
TG: see i rock the turntables while youre on a lazy susan  
TG: name should be tavros nyquil because you have got me snoozing  
TG: you think you can beat me boy youre cruising for a bruising  
TG: go become a stand up comic because oh wow thats amusing  
TG: well maybe not stand up cause you need to take a seat  
TG: if you werent already down man id knock you off your feet  
TG: couldnt have a worst gimmick if you were a rapping clown  
TG: prepare to lose feeling from the waist on down  
TG: because i burn so hot yo i need an ac  
TG: got more class youre remedial while i am ap  
TG: im a 2400 on the sat  
TG: bringing home the gold while you cant even get the ag  
TG: im lancelot boy you aint even a page  
TG: im a seven book series you aint even a page  
TG: my cells blowing up with texts like theyre a bacteriophage  
TG: and meanwhile man you cant even get a single page  
TG: so dont step to dave when he has hit his stride  
TG: or youll walk away with way worse wounds than just a hit to your pride  
TG: so i leave you with some parting words some words to live by  
TG: me im too fly so go cry pupa cry

\---

Rose was reading a borrowed Alternian romance novel while Kanaya worked hard on designing a new dress. Karkat was, again, going through the air vents because they still smelled like a clown had been living in them. The monotony of it all was broken up by a bright flash and a Dave. "Well, that was a thing."

"Are you really that bored," Rose closed her book, finger marking her page. "That you have to go to doomed timelines just to use versions of yourself to fuck with Tavros?"

"I guess I am. Yes. I am really that bored."

"Come on, Dave. Tavros has had it rough enough without you insisting on crushing his dreams of being a cool rapper, or whatever it is he dreams about." Kanaya frowned pretty deeply.

"Well maybe he should have thought about that shit before he called me cold shit from Derse. Just saying."


End file.
